People Pleasing: How to Stop Seeking Validation and Start Living for Yourself

People pleasing is a common behavior where someone prioritizes the needs and wants of others over their own. This can manifest in various ways, such as:

• Saying "yes" to requests even when you don't have the time or energy

• Going out of your way to help others, even when it inconveniences you

• Avoiding conflict or confrontation, even when it's necessary

• Putting your own needs on hold to make others happy

• Feeling responsible for other people's happiness

While there is nothing inherently wrong with being helpful and kind, people pleasing can become problematic when it starts to negatively impact your life.

 Signs that you might be a people pleaser:

• You regularly feel stressed, overwhelmed, and resentful

• You have difficulty saying no to people

• You often feel like you're not good enough

• You have a hard time setting boundaries

• You prioritize the needs of others over your own

•  Why do people become people pleasers?

There are several reasons why people become people pleasers. Some common reasons include:

• Low self-esteem: People pleasers often have low self-esteem and seek validation from others. They believe that they need to be liked and approved of in order to feel good about themselves.

• Fear of rejection: People pleasers often have a fear of rejection. They worry that if they don't do what others want, they will be rejected or abandoned.

• Need for control: People pleasers sometimes try to control their environment and the people around them by being helpful and accommodating. This can be a way to cope with feelings of anxiety or uncertainty.

• Childhood experiences: People pleasers may have learned to prioritize the needs of others over their own in childhood. This could have happened if they grew up in a household where they were expected to be "good" children or if they were parentified, meaning they had to take on adult responsibilities at a young age.

If you're a people pleaser, it's important to start prioritizing your own needs and wants. Here are some tips to help you get started:

 1. Set healthy boundaries: Learn to say no to requests that you don't have the time or energy to fulfill. It also means setting limits on how much time and energy you're willing to give to others.

 2. Focus on self-care: Make time for activities that you enjoy and that make you feel good about yourself. This could include things like exercise, spending time in nature, or reading a good book.

 3. Develop your self-esteem: This means learning to accept and appreciate yourself for who you are. There are many things you can do to boost your self-esteem, such as practicing positive affirmations, setting goals for yourself, and celebrating your accomplishments.

 4. Challenge your negative thoughts: People pleasers often have negative thoughts about themselves and their abilities. It's important to challenge these thoughts and replace them with more positive and realistic ones.

 5. Surround yourself with supportive people: Spend time with people who make you feel good about yourself and who respect your boundaries.

 6. Seek professional help: If you're struggling to stop being a people pleaser, consider seeking professional help from a therapist or counselor.

Remember, it's okay to put yourself first. You are not responsible for the happiness of others. By learning to prioritize your own needs and wants, you can create a happier and more fulfilling life for yourself.

In addition to the tips above, some additional helpful resources include:

• The People Pleaser's Guide to Saying No by William R. Miller and Janet C. Kroeger

• The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem by Nathaniel Branden

• The Gifts of Imperfection by Brené Brown

It's important to remember that you're not alone. Many people struggle with people pleasing. By taking steps to change your behavior, you can build a healthier and more fulfilling life for yourself. To learn more about people pleasing tendencies and ways to break habits, click here.