During the day-to-day rhythm of our lives, we find ourselves in a range of feeling states as different situations arise. Perhaps a colleague spilled coffee on your new shirt, and while you may not yell and scream, inside, you might be feeling quite angry. Regulating how we express ourselves is healthy and necessary for creating a safe environment for ourselves and others; however, when it comes at the expense of feeling our feelings we end up muting and stuffing down these emotions. When we neglect our spectrum of feelings from those in the “negative” category, such as anger and sadness, to those in the “positive” category, such as pleasure or joy, we can begin building-up an emotional bank account that inhibits your natural expression. Feelings are be nature fleeting so while we are mindful of our expressions, simply internalizing these feeling states can lead to unhealthy habits or expressions later on.
Here are a few ways we can meet ourselves in our feelings:
1. Recognize and Acknowledge. When we understand that we aren’t our feelings, and they are a passing experience, it becomes less scary to acknowledge the feeling as it arises. Often times we make the mistake of conflating feelings with a sense of identity. It’s easier to say hello to our feelings, when we know they are just a visitor in our internal state of being.
2. Label The Feeling. Labeling feelings is an easy way to acknowledge and accept them. Remember, this may be difficult to decipher, but practicing this skill creates opportunity for greater inner attunement and better recognition of your needs. For example, the next time you take a first bite of ice cream, you may stop to ask yourself: "How am I feeling? Is this joy? guilt? pleasure?"
3. Release Your Feelings. There are many healthy ways of expressing your feelings, though without acknowledging them, we may not get to a place to release them. Perhaps the next time you are experiencing joy from a delicious first bite, consider, is this a moment where you may want to let out a “mmhm”? How about that co-worker from earlier? Do you acknowledge your disappointment and later let out a sigh? Is this someone you want to communicate your feelings to? Depending on the feeling, and your beliefs, you may journal, take a walk, talk to a close friend, or perhaps even a therapist about your feelings. Maybe not every feeling will be externalized, but recognizing them and considering healthy expression can bring about a more fulfilling and authentic life. It can lead to decreased stress, help one get unstuck, and even greater connection with others.
However you feel your feelings, consider reacquainting yourself with them as we enter this new year. Sometimes, it may be embracing the uncomfortable, but we become closer to our truest selves as we emerge to embrace, release, and feel all our feelings.